Soul Lessons: Skeleton Woman

Be a Wild Woman

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"In wise stories, love is seldom a romantic tryst between two lovers...In order to create this enduring love one invites a third partner to the union... Skeleton Woman... Lady Death...another Lilfe/Death/Life figure in one of its many guises..." "Women Who Run With the Wolves" by Clarissa Pinkola Estes When I first got together with my ex, we both were afraid. He told me I "was the best woman" he had ever been with....and he said this as he was trying to justify why he couldn't be with me. He was afraid to "fuck it up". Self-fulfilling prophecy you could say.

I remember times when I would be walking home from work, and I would see him step outside the cafe where he worked, and I would duck down another street to take another route home...but he would see me and call me and hunt me down. We both tried to run for the hills...but what stopped us was that we took turns at this and the other would call that person on it. There was no avoiding it. We understood that much, but I believe that we both stayed in hiding, deep down. We were ideally matched in terms of the issues we brought out in one another.

I think of the adage.. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger".. I wonder if that adage didn't start as a way of bringing Skeleton Woman to Christian society without being overtly feminine.

This cycle (life/death/life) I have been trying to embrace for a while.. not just in the literal sense but also in this unraveling of the skeleton, my bones that I have ignored or thought to have healed. I see the opposing side of the bone, the small pieces that go with the large bone worked on..

It's funny that we are taught to fear death. when it is the clearing house for nature. Mother Nature understands this. I wonder if all of the hurricanes and tornados we have aren't her way of getting us off the beaches. After all she uses massive death and destruction to move us along, to fix what we have broken. Why not allow things in our lives, in our hearts, in our heads to die off, being replaced with something better? I've come to the point of retraining my mind that when I hear the word 'death' I think of renewal and not an ending. It took me a long time to get there… but I'm making progress.



Am I willing to give my heart for a new creation (relationship) with my loved ones and allow it to drum thru me even tho I have been wounded by disappointment and sorrow? This reminds me a lot of "it's all a process" and I love that.... It won't always be easy...even so, am I willing to stay in the messy process? Have I committed to being in this family or haven't I?

Can I allow myself to be in the moment, in the feelings and in the process? Can I allow myself to be transformed by my family members that I do love and who do love me? Do I believe in the very possibility of that notion? If not, why not? Can I open myself to nourishment and gifts that are there and appreciate the feast rather than feel disappointed at what's missing?


I think this is the love Estes is writing about. I think that in our culture we are taught from a very young age to look outside ourselves for completion. From waiting for Prince Charming to rescue us, to romance novels where the "hero" oftens treats the woman badly before he can truly come to love her. This waiting, taking crap, when will he see, trying to guess how another sees us is very hard on our self-esteem. And unnecessary. I stopped settling, and realized I would rather be alone than be with someone who wasn't capable of being in a real relationship.


I find CPE's distinction between innocence and ignorance very helpful. It has been my tendency to try to only see the good (naiveté), which isn't necessarily healthy, productive or safe. I don't believe "peace at any price" would be the stance of someone practicing innocence, but it might be if someone were standing in ignorance. I've certainly been in both places. In a word, the difference between the two, for me, seems to be "wisdom."
I have been so drawn to innocence for as long as I can remember. There seems to be such a freedom and a trust in it that I long for. The downside is I *have* felt folks look down on me because of it.... In hindsight, perhaps it was because I had slipped into ignorance (a good ole southern Pollyanna), perhaps because they were uncomfortable with my innocence, perhaps a bit of both.
It seems that I am hearing about "ebbs and flows" in stereo these days ;o)! Growing up on a farm, I think the rhythm of the seasons -- the life/death/ life cycle -- is in my blood and in my bones more than I realize. Growing up in a traditional church, I stay *because* of the rhythms (in spite of the hierarchy) - which speak to my soul and have comforted me in a deep way that I can't explain and don't fully understand. Perhaps don't even fully recognize either.
Dear Creator, Nurturer and Sustainer of my life, I am willing to *know* and believe that when there is an ending there will always be a new beginning. Help my unbelief. Amen.