Soul Lessons: The Intuitive Force

Be a Wild Woman

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"Reflections of Stardust", an oil painting by Linda "Rainbow" Westlund, Shown here by permission - Thank you Linda!

"When a woman is strong in her instinctual nature, she intuitively recognizes the innate predator by scent, sight, and hearing ... anticipates its presence, hears it approaching, and takes steps to turn it away. In the instinct injured woman, the predator is upon her before she registers its presence, for her listening, her knowing and the apprehensions are impaired -- mainly by introjects which exhort her to be nice, to behave, and especially to be blind to being misused. --"Women Who Run With the Wolves" by Clarissa Pinkola Estes

When a woman learns to listen to her intuitive nature, she is closer to her instinctual nature than ever before. It is this nature that protects us, that heightens our awareness to what is damaging to the soul life, and what is nurturing to the inner woman child. We are raised to be ladies ... to be nice. Itâs the instinctual nature that warns us when we ought not be nice, and when we need to growl and stand our ground. This is why the intuitive self is so important to the Wild Woman. For many of us, listening to our intuition was the first understanding of the true wild nature.

I am a child of the 50's, and like most women of that era, was raised to be ladylike, sweet, and to please; to judge my own self-worth by my perception of how I was viewed by others. I was raised to be the perfect daughter, wife and mother, first...and to follow my own aspirations only if they did not interfere with the desires of others, most especially my family's. I was taught a lot of "rules" or "shoulds"...all aimed at educating me as to what was expected of me and how I was to behave. And, if I strayed from the path, family and society were there to let me know how ashamed I should be, and that repentance and a return to the proper course were to be my only salvation. Oh, and lest I forget, they would be ever vigilant in reminding me of past transgressions.

Oh, I tried to be good ... I really did. And, when I took an ill-advised course as a teenager, in a last act of rebellion, the results were dire, further reinforcing in me that "they" were right. With this as my back- ground, it was small wonder that I found myself, in my thirties, in an abusive relationship and not having a clue as to how bad my situation was, nor how to extricate myself from it. I had long ago learned to martyr myself for others... after all, wasn't this a noble thing for a woman to do? My life appeared to outsiders to be that of the perfect wife and mother. I had a successful husband, and two beautiful children. But, on the inside, my children were being raised as I had been raised.. and, my husband's mental abuses of me had escalated to physical assaults. And, still I tried. I remember when a friend asked me what it was that made me happy...and, I responded when those around me were happy. "But", she asked, "what makes just you happy...what is it you want just for you". I realized for the first time that I could not answer this question. I had denied my own feelings so long that I barely felt at all. I just functioned as a mirror of the feelings of those around me. When they were happy, I was happy. When they were upset, then I was upset and would do everything I could to make them happy again. My happiness??? What was that?? I was so out of touch with my feelings, my intuition had been silenced, and I had lost the ability to make the decisions I needed to make for me.

Fortunately for me, there were a series of occurrences that were so traumatic, they broke through the shell I had formed around myself and forced me to feel. And, as excruciatingly painful as they were, this renewed ability to deeply feel allowed me to begin to get in touch again with my intuition ... my inner voice ... I was then able to take the actions I needed to take to free myself from my bad marriage. I was also able to see how my daughter was heading down a similar path to the one I had followed. By heeding my instincts on the right corrective action to take, irregardless of whether or not I was pleasing her, I was able to show her a better way ... a path she could take which would enable her to be guided by her own feelings, and to stay in touch with her own instinctual nature.

I urge all of my packmates to get in touch with their feelings, and to value and nurture their intuitive self.

Intuition ÷ This is the voice that men laugh about, calling it superstition or female overreacting. This is the voice that speaks to us at the back of our minds warning us about things we cannot "prove" in the physical world. It is the voice that caused millions to be burned and slaughtered. It is the hand of our dark sisters/brothers guiding us through the unknown.

It has been predominately granted as women's sight, though many men also have such gifts. They, however, have been more stringently taught to suppress it, to deny its existence. We are taught that the only valid form of decision making is to rationalize, yet look at what this "rationalization" has done to our world. When we reclaim our dark siblings, and embrace them, our inner voice begins to return and we begin to again understand the truths contained in the darkness. Our eyes begin to penetrate the masks that are used to deceive.

I have finally learned to listen carefully to that inner voice. I travel with excitement into the dark recesses, searching through the bones, digging in the earth and using the lessons of the past to fertilize the seeds of the future.

For me, reconnecting with my intuitive self entailed striking out on my own. I literally took the persona of the desert mother who goes into the wilderness, sequestering herself from those even most dear to her. I learned to live MY life again; I learned how to hear MY intuitive self again. This year in the mountains has, in many ways, been the culmination of this self-imposed exile. Through this year I have learned exactly what it is that I am capable of; I have also learned to rely often times upon my instinctual self and allow her to guide me in my decisions and my actions.

Can I tell you exactly who or what she is? No, I cannot. But, I can tell you that I know when she speaks. I feel her; then I know to listen to her. She seldom fails me. In fact, when "failure" occurs, I would venture to bet that it is I who have not listened carefully enough; it is not she who has failed to speak clearly enough.

In some ways my two years of "exile" have been difficult. In other ways, they have been the most tremendously wonderful gift I have given myself. I am stronger; I am more attuned to myself and to the others I want and allow in my life. I am better.

The Dangers of Intuition

My thoughts on intuition is that it is important and vital for us to know what our gut tells us, but any decisions should be made as a careful balance of facts, observations, history and intuition. Sometimes emotions can shade intuition so that we feel not what is, but perhaps what we'd like it to be.

 Intuition works best when it just happens. When I act from inner direction. My intuition is great at telling me what I need to do, but not so great at always knowing what other people are up to.

 

I used to think I had a great intuition as far as knowing what people were thinking and what they really meant, but boy was I wrong! I learned this when in a Woman's counseling group. Someone would say something, I would respond and suddenly the room would go quiet and everyone would look puzzled, and I didn't know why. The councilor who led the group finally figured it out and asked me "What did you hear was said?" And when I told what I had heard, I learned what I had heard wasn't at all what had been said! This was a bizarre revelation for me, a big WOW ... I learned to call this phenomenon "My Distortion Filter." When someone would say something, I had already decided what they would say, so much so in fact, that I never heard what they actually said, just what I had decided they would say. When challenged on this, it took me awhile to believe that they hadn't said what I thought they had said, after all, I had "great intuition" into people, right? WRONG!