Soul Lessons: Finding One's Pack: The Ugly Duckling

Be a Wild Woman

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"See to it now that you spend less time on what they didn't give you and more time on finding the people you belong to. You may not belong to your original family at all."

--"Women Who Run With the Wolves" by Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Swan photos courtesy of Allan Twiname.
Thanks, Allan!



This story is so, so rich for me, so very true for me and extremely validating. For so long, I felt so different and so "weird".....so awful, horrible and WRONG that I wasn't like those around me - it was excruciatingly painful for me.

Ahhhh...the "ache" is very real, true and deep. I have felt the ache many times and this beautiful story reminds me that I can trust the ache - the longing for something that just isn't there...yet. I believe the ache is one of Wild Mother's ways of guiding me home to my own....both my heart and my own kind. And! When I arrive - what a glorious feeling of being welcomed home! Of being home among sister (and brother) swans and to be loved and cherished. And when I have been nourished, my wounds bandaged and I've been able to rest a while then I am able to join my true family in welcoming, loving and cherishing my sister swans (and wolves).

Dearest Wild Mother Swan,

Thank you for the ache inside my heart that guides me even when it feels like (and has felt like) it might be too much to bear at times. Thank you that I am not alone and for the reminder that there are other swans even when I may have lost sight of them. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart for the blessing of belonging.

With love,



I can really relate to this! I am blessed with swans for my immediate family, but growing up I never really connected with human friends. Sure, I had a few, but always preferred spending time by myself, or with my family and animals.

In my early 20's, things changed suddenly and profoundly. I started following my soul rather than my analytical mind, and stumbled upon my purpose, which is (I am = convinced!) to be a healer for myself and others. This realization led to a number of incredible synchronicities, which in turn got me in touch with people I relate to on a soul level - my "extended" psychic family!

Once I had started meeting the psychic family members (who are now all dear friends of mine!), the one sort of fed the other... the more time I spend with psychic family, the more I realise and honor my purpose in life... And the more I honor my purpose in life, the more psychic family members I meet! Ultimately, I think the biggest lesson for me was/is being true to myself at all costs. That did mean I lost some acquaintances, but it also brought me to a place in my life where I know I will value these friendships forever.

With love,



I certainly spent plenty of time wondering why my family members didn't give me what I needed...and then I did it again with my ex's family. Sometimes I think that certain members of my family couldn't deal with their own swanness...so they remained ugly ducklings and tried to convince others that they too were ugly ducklings.

Ah...the fear of being rejected by the beautiful creatures whom we are drawn to...only to find they are truly our kind! It is worth getting over that fear.

With love,



The Ugly Duckling Story holds so much for me, both inner and outer reality. This particular story I share round the fire tonight keeps coming back, refusing to go these past few days, Its about me, its about a man I will never ever forget for he touched my soul in a way no other has since I met him. I invite him to the fire tonight in the spirit of love, communion and thanks for all he showed me one hot summers day.

At the time of our meeting I was in a tired place, a tired woman, undergoing the process of searching, fitting peices of the jigsaw of my life into place, looking for a place where I fitted, begining to find it.

I had taken my children to Asda/Walmart with the intention of treating them and purchasing a bbq to brighten the day and give time for them, as they I felt, were at that time the ones who were missing the nurturing due to my personal struggle to stay in the now and find space and time to work through my issues coming stemming from the past.

We sat by the window in the cafe, just chatting when out of nowhere appeared this tramp, dressed in a black coat held together at the waist by barbed wire of all things. He was immense, huge with long black straggly hair and a dark weather beaten face. He carried his belongings in two black plastic rubbish bags. His appearance shocked both I and my children, I have to admit his appearance unsettled me, the temparature that day was well into the eighties.

He sat on a bench directly in front of us, so I had a view of peoples reactions as they passed by him ~and everyone looked at him to varying degrees as they passed, equally shocked by his appearance~ a group of children actually stood right in front of him and just stared at him for a good few minutes.

I began to feel sorry for his having to endure this rudeness ~ words from the bible kept running through my head. 'Without beauty, without majesty we saw him. No looks to attract our eyes, A man despised and rejected by men, Yet ours was the sins he bore.'

This tramp however throughtout the half hour or so I observed never flinched, he possessed something so deep, and a very strong sense of dignity was oozing from him ~ despite his appearance.

Feeling sorry for him, I put some money in a packet of ciggarrettes, as he was seen to pick up butts from the ground around him, and I gave these to him as the children and I left the supermarket. What happened next taught me more about myself and my judgements about others and myself in so many ways

As I gave him the pack, in a dry rasping voice he looked at me and said, Gets a cup of tea love!!!!!!!! It was almost like shock, how dare he, Id just given him ciggarettes and money~now here he was asking me for a cup of tea......In all honesty I didnt want to be different to the crowd and be seen actually associating with one that had fallen so low......Im being honest about me then......I walked away telling him it was okay he could go into the restraunt and get one himself.......and then proceeded to drive away....

It struck me as I was driving away that this man had asked me for what he truly needed at that time and I had ignored his request and walked away leaving him what I thought he needed

I went back to the supermarket, went in and asked the girl behind the till for a cup of tea in a paper cup to bring out to him, her response "oh just ignore him, he will go away".... I insisted and brought his tea out for him.......I think this took him totally by surprise...............and again that dignity displayed itself when he held out his hand with a thank you and money to pay for his own tea (thank you very much)

Only when I touched him, putting my hand on his knee, saying it was okay about the money, did that dignity crumble and he put his head in his hands and thanked me.............I was totally taken aback..........it was a moment of two human souls meeting in human love.........I had never been thanked like that before and had gone through many strong inner emotions, mainly based on fear and anxiety, those melted away in that moment.

I left him with his tea, feeling that this man had chosen his path, he knew how to ask for what he needed ~nothing more~ despite his appearance~ he possessed a dignity that his clothing could not mask.

Perhaps I recognised a part of myself in him that day, the dispossessed - yet he wasn’t.........the journeying on regardless of circumstance, the dignity, the need for help now and again............I remember him to this day with the same sense of power that he exuded in a very very different way.....He reminds me of family, belonging, perhaps to something bigger, the bigger picture and more than anything he reminds me that swans too can be different and looks can be pleasantly deceptive.

With love,



This section brought tears to my eyes. My mother and I had a wonderful talk last week which came as a result of my days in the Dells with my minister. It was a tough trip for me, not one I'd recommend as vacation, but it certainly allowed me to look at myself and others in a different way. One of the things that we talked about was family dynamics. She and I are both only daughters, favored by our fathers. In my case, my mother, although hurt by my father taking my side over hers, never stopped loving me. My mother is 96 years old. She was the oldest girl in her family. Her mother was verbally abusive to her, her entire life. Nothing she did was good enough. When I hear her stories, my heart aches for her. But she raised herself above it and raised her children with love and integrity. When I was a kid, my father spoiled me. Of course, I took advantage of knowing that my father would always take my side. When I was about 19, I realized the dynamics of what was going on and realized how unfair it was to my mother. I set about to change the dynamics, stop the competition, and make my mother my friend.

With love,



I have not participated in times past with these soul lessons, primarily due to time. But, this one also spoke to me more so than any other chapter in the book. I did not have to mother my mother but her stranglehold on our lives as children did not relent as we got older. She was, too, stuck in the inability to move forward, to become the old crone rather than the protective mother. Now, she fights to regain the control she had over us as children and, in the process, loses us forever.

I have forgiven my mother her mistakes; my mother has not forgiven herself and so she continually seeks to put us back into the cage so she can "make it right." But, she made it right. She raised four children who are smart, independent, well-rounded, self-aware, different from each other in many ways, spiritual, honest, forthright, trustworthy. We are all happy in our chosen lives. She is not happy and can't understand that her role as the over-riding control and safeguard in our lives is over.