Soul Lessons: Be be a wild woman

Be a Wild Woman

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Finding Your Own Wild Woman

We are all born with our wild woman instincts intact, so finding the wild woman within ourselves is about freeing ourselves; about taking the steps necessary to permit a return to our natural state. We do this by re-training ourselves on what is important and what is not important

What is important:
Taking good care of yourself. Paying attention to your physical and mental health needs;
Identifying what is important to you, and setting your personal goals, some of which should be as high as you dare to dream;
Being totally honest with yourself about your own feelings and motivations, so that you can be your own best friend;
Learning that fear is useful to encourage you to be prudent, but that it must not be allowed to paralyze you from accomplishing all you can;
Cherishing life, all life, and seeing the beauty in every living thing.
What is not important:

Getting along with others, if you have to be less than totally honest to do so;

Failure, as long as you learn from it;

Being the best. There will always be someone better at something than you, and that's O.K.;

Meeting anyone's expectations for you other than your own.



This is how I found my Wild Woman:

Sometimes the only way to find your Wild Woman to go through so many hard times, you give up and realize the lessons you were taught from youth don't work.

The ten commandments I was raised by:

• Your husband is always going to take care of you;


• Women don't need a higher education;


• Women cannot survive without men;


• Dress better, look better, to get what you want;


• Women are not as smart as men;


• Women can't handle jobs as well as men;


• Women have their place and need to stay there;


• Women don't need to make as much money as men;


• are not safe without a man.


• If my relationship with my man isn't going well, it is my fault.


This is how I was raised, and it took a long, hard fall for me to realize I had been fed a line of bull and had to change my life.
My Wild Woman commandments are:
• No one is going to take care of me, but me.


• I (and only I) know what is best for me.


• Life will reward hard work and discipline.


• I will stand up for myself and not allow anyone to put me down or make me feel bad. (no matter how much I love them!)


• I would rather be alone than not be respected.


• I will not avoid doing things because they might be dangerous.


• I will have fun doing creative, exciting things.


• I will not let my being a 'woman' convince me there is anything I cannot do, anything I cannot have, any place I cannot go, any height I cannot reach. I WILL be me at all times.





When I acknowledged that I was a wolf, I was able to hold on to my power by visualizing myself as a wolf trotting on a faint path in the woods. Somehow I knew that this path was leading me to what I really wanted. Whenever I had a goal or a dream, I would put it at the end of the path and as I was trotting along, I knew that I would achieve those dreams and goals. Whenever I would get off my path by worrying about what another would think of me, all I had to do was remember my dreams and goals, and I would flick my tail and jump right back on to my beloved path.

It has dawned on me now that my path is really leading me to ME. It is the most comforting feeling being on my path, because every day I feel myself getting closer and closer to the sunlit clearing in the woods where I know that my life is unlimited in the ways I can live it. There are no rules but my own, and I can laugh at others who are still caged and don't understand why I can be so happy. If they want to, they can figure it out but I am not going to stay caged to make someone else happy. There is too much living to live.



The only way I can continue to have wild woman in my life is if I am true to myself. I found her when I was at my lowest, sick and depressed. One day I closed my eyes, and saw myself as a wolf, trapped down in a pit. The wolf me began to growl, and to jump up the sides, and finally she got a foothold, and scrambled up to freedom. I visualized her shaking off the mud, then running for the cool of the hills ahead. That was the beginning of recovery from illness, and recovery of my wild soul. Wild woman taught me to fight for myself. To accept and love my entire being just as I am today. By doing that, I am able to grow and change. In return, she brings me peace, freedom, and a joy in life I had lost.

I'd been a solitary person for many years, but I began to reach out to women. I wanted to claim that part of life that is every woman's birthright -- a place in the community of women. I found Annie's World and joined the pack. I was so shy and frightened when I came here. I have learned so much in a short time. I believe in myself today and I stand up for myself. I speak my mind and it does not matter if no one else agrees with what I say. I can't afford to go back to being meek, mild, and scared of everything. I do not want to lose what I now have.I also have learned to stand beside my sisters in the den and in my life, to offer support when it is needed, growl at trouble when it comes, and celebrate the joys of this life.

To be in touch with the wild woman within brings a strong feeling inside of connection. It is a feeling of having substance and strength. I feel more awake than I ever have, living a conscious and aware life. May all who seek that connection to the wild inner woman see those glittering eyes gazing back, and take her into their hearts.



I cycle through being wild and not being wild. I have lost some of the anger I had in my youth...the anger I though necessary to give me an edge, to drive me forward...head first. I find part of being a wild woman is not being so wild, being more centered instead of proactive. I feel I have more energy to accomplish what is important to me rather than what is important to outside me. It makes it easier to accomplish those important things outside me when necessary. So part of this individuation process of withdrawing also makes me more available. I am not pulled by everything. I have become a good editor for what is really important in my life.

My emergence as a wild woman was helped a lot by allowing my creative voices to be heard instead of leaving them on the back burner of my life. I look forward to my 57th year beginning this February.



My journey began with the awakening to the idea that there *must* be something *MORE*. There was a book and a movie out some years ago entitled "I'm dancing as fast as I can" (I can't remember by whom) about a woman who tried to be everything to everyone she could possibly think of and, failing this impossible goal, fell into the self-destructive cycle of alcohol and drugs. I awoke one day and realized that, although I also had been dancing as fast as I could, I wasn't any nearer the finish line. Not only that, I wasn't very happy and I was very very tired. There simply had to be something *more*. Something more for me alone.

The big question was - did something *more* mean adding on? The answer? No. Something *more* meant simplifying. Starting with myself. Putting everything else aside, I asked myself: What do I need? What do I want? What do I dream? Yes, there were family responsibilities. Yes, there were work responsibilities. But ultimately, the bigger responsibility, I decided, was the responsibility to me. I could give no more to the outside forces without continuing to die inside. My life needed to be more simple.

So I became less, and more, at the same time. I began my search for wild wolf woman, with the help of WWRWTW. I got rid of those obligations that did not bring me joy. I bought less guilt for others choices, and I took more strength into myself. I put my needs on an equal plane with those who are an important part of my life, gifting myself equal time to attend to those needs. And I took for myself that which was unnecessary to give those who weren't really that important.

My wild wolf woman howled as I moved away from a place that was never my home. She sang as I found for myself a life that was simple, yet so much more in so many ways, wild and free in the outdoors. She grinned as I opened the closed part of myself to new ideas, new friends, new love. She came into her full self as I discovered my membership in the pack on Star Mountain.

So, how do I keep the wild wolf woman with me? I never forget the cage, one of my own making, but one as rigid as if the steel bars had been placed by a jailer. I make time to howl at the moon when the stresses of the real world intrude on my place, my peace. I seek the support of fellow travelers to Star Mountain, others whose journeys serve to remind me of the importance of the search itself. Above all, I think of myself first, weighing my choices carefully. I remember that, as a wild woman, I can serve others and still be true to myself, but I will never again, be in servitude.

It is a daily battle. This world is not set up to revere women, let alone wild wolf women. Women across the world suffer for the mere fact that they are women, granted no equality and no power to make any substantial changes in their lives. We, who are able to make choices to become wild must, firstly, never forget what we have been given. Secondly, we must always remember to give strength to any who seek wildness with all that we have to give.

The wild wolf woman has saved my life, my sanity. I have myself and more in her. The remembering of her has helped me out of dark times, and her joy of life dances with me in the light. I do forget she is there sometimes. But when I am in need, I know she is there when I close my eyes. Her eyes shine brightly in the firelight, ready to come to my rescue, fierce and true, as is her wild spirit.



When I found my wild woman, I had been searching for my higher self.

I had done meditations of journeys to the high lands asking to speak to my higher self ... she eluded me, had her back to me and seemed to walk away each time I topped the mountain. I had done tarot readings, and looked within myself for the truth and inner wisdom ... it was elusive, but it was there I felt.

How was I to know that it would be my most basest, lower self that would be the answer for my spiritual search. I found my higher self in the form of the wild woman, my most natural animal self.

I had no intuition, I had no inner voice, and I wanted one so bad that I dreamed of a Vasalisa doll, a physical representation of my intuition, and I would feed her little crumbs of my life, and she would speak to me, and guide me along my way. I began to feed the little crumbs anyway to someone I spoke to, I imagined she was Vasalisa ... and I listened very closely for what that one would say to me. The more I listened, and the more I acted in ways that meant I had heard what she was saying to me, the more the intuitive doll spoke to me. I began to feel my instincts intact once again ... and I began to take control of living my own life. I was no longer feeling like a spectator in the events of my life, I was involved in them, I initiated the events, and I howled throughout the best ones.

I began to not care if everyone liked me or not, it wasn't my goal in life anymore. My goal was that I liked me. I was so amazed when I finally began to howl, at how many people started howling with me. This was when I found my packmates ... all of my wolfden packmates, and my real women at work and in my family. I began to recognize my social needs, it is not good to be a lone wolf for long. We work best in packs...packs to support us, and help us hunt, and keep us warm and groomed, and for playing fun games while we lie in the sun, and for howling. Packmates will always respond and howl with you when you need.

That is the how ... as in how I found my Wild Woman. How I keep her beside me is much more difficult. It is a daily process, and there are those days when she escapes and is running loose in some wild area ... and I am trying to feebily make it through my days alone without her.

But there is one vivid way to remember that I am wild woman, that she is a part of me, and she is a better part of me .. that I am not whole without her, and that is by staying in contact with packmates. With other women that are strong, and wild, and will not let the wild self be injured by neglect or lack of care. When I was at my worst most domesticated self, I could never confide to anyone what thoughts I had or how I felt. This is the way to not acknowledge them or not deal with feelings, and you soon become so void that you can't even recognize your feelings yourself, you don't know how you feel or why you feel the way you do.

Within the pack, there is such an openness and support, that I will not retreat to a space that I can't define, I bring it to the friends that I have, and air it out, and look at in the wild perspective. Is it foe, stalking, prey, or good food? Do my instincts have a bad feeling with no just cause ... listen to them, we need not be rational, we do need to be wild. And when was the last time I howled? We need to howl, and let loose, and just be wild .... that is how we keep the wild woman alive in us.



At first, as one of the male wolves in the Pack, I was inclined not to respond to this question. After all, what could a male have to say about Wild Woman that would be worth listening to? Too often, men have taken it upon themselves to "define" woman, with results ranging from laughable to appalling. As a long-time feminist, I like to think that I know when to shut up.

However... as I read the moving, eloquent, and inspiring responses of my Packmates, something inside me wants to reach for the keyboard... a voice in the stillness says, "Wild Woman is within *every*one." And so I too must acknowledge Her as a part of me, and me as a part of Her. She's not "out there", She's "in here", with me; I didn't need to find Her, only to recognize Her immanent Presence...

Rereading these words I just typed, I see that I am identifying Wild Woman with the Goddess. So mote it be... for me, at least. Keeping Her with us, then, is in fact inevitable. ;-) The hard part is remembering She is there inside, when we become too distracted by the externals of our lives...



How I Found Her

I dreamt the Wild Woman. She came to me in the form of a beautiful black wolf with mane of silver, and emerald eyes. I was lost, separated from my brother (I am an only child--and adopted--but I often dreamt of a younger brother, I think he was the innocence I felt I had lost). When I saw her I was mesmerized by her eyes, held there before her, a willing captive. She spoke to me, and told me to come with her. Her voice was soothing, I wanted to melt into it, but I feared where she would take me, and resisted. When I finally relented and followed her, I felt at peace with myself for the first time in years. I felt powerful, unafraid, self-confident, aware; all the restlessness, anger, fear and self-hatred that I had felt in my waking life were gone. As soon as I woke, I wrote down everything I could remember from the dream (I still lost parts of it, where my brother and I were going, how we got separated, what she said to me to convince me to follow her, where we went, and whether or not my brother and I were reunited) and everytime I read or visualized my dream wolf, I felt that peace. At night, when I would lie in bed staring at the light under my door, listening to every creak in the house, I could visualize the dream wolf, and fall asleep unafraid. Eventually, I almost forgot her. Then I saw her on the cover of Women who Run with the Wolves. I don't still have the cover, but I think the eyes were wrong and the silver mane was missing, but I knew it was her. She called me from the book as strongly as she had called me in my dream. Every page that I read, I found a piece of me, and how it fit with the rest of the puzzle that was myself. There are still some pieces missing, but I know that eventually, I'll find them, and until then, I have my dream wolf.



I found my wild woman when I stopped trying to figure out what was "wrong with me" and got in touch with what made me who I am. There was nothing wrong with me except that I believed there was because I could not seem to make anybody happy. Basically, of course, "anybody" turns out to be my mother...whom I no longer try to please, and the less time I spent with her, the better, because I can't seem to get past trying to impress her. It's not going to happen.

The other truth to that is that I can't *make* *anybody* happy...that's not my job. And the flip side of that, of course, is that I kept trying to find someone to fit into my life that could make *me* happy...and I suppose there's a rousing chorus for this now...*nobody* can make me happy but me, and it's nobody else's job but mine to figure out what it is I need in my life to make me happy, and to create my life so mote it be!

I have learned that in doing that, I am doing what I was put on this earth to do...because finding my way to my bliss is a journey, and in the course of that journey, I create a process that touches others in meaningful and often healing ways.

Finding my wild woman is about finding my heart...and keeping her is about honoring my heart and my soul in every choice I make with how I spend my time, who I spend it with, and what I choose to do with my energy. Nothing more...and absolutely nothing less!



I think, in retrospect, I have always had awareness of the wild wolf woman within. This dates back to childhood, and my never feeling like I quite fit into the narrow roles females are given in our society. From an archetypal point of view, I was mostly identified with the Athena archetype of success in school and the business world. I recovered my wild self through identification with the archetype of Artemis and her symbolization of the vitality of wild nature. It was as an adult that I took up such activities as hiking in the woods, which is a way I feel much in touch with the wild nature within.

Right now, since I quit my horrible job and went through a year of medical problems, I have been really taking care of my self, both inner and outer. All my activities of self-exploration, including the exercises of The Artist's Way have been instrumental in my care and feeding of the wild wolf woman within. If there is any message in the events of the past year, I would have to say two things: that the wild creative self demands to be heard by whatever means necessary, and second, that we have to take the time to nuture this part of ourselves.

The latter lesson was brought home to me by pondering the many interesting chapters of WWRWTW. I see now that the frantic activities of life without time for refreshment and instrospection can leave one like a well that is pumped dry. The creative springs and juices must be allowed to flow in order for the well to stay filled.